A new chapter

Wow. It's been a while since I wrote in here. A lot has happened since I've been away and at this stage I think my audience (for what it was) has long since departed. However things are now a changing....

I'm doing a Uni course now and about to embark on the 3rd & 4th of 6 courses that will lead me towards a B.A. Hons in English Literature...

The creative writing course is really exciting me and part of the process is called 'Freewrite' Basically it's there to loosen up my creative juices and what better platform than on here. Even if it's for my own amusement at least this place will become used once more...

The Last Log in India (For now)....

Well I'm now getting ready to leave work very soon, and this is my last blog entry in India (at least for a while)

Although it's been an amazing adventure I'm looking forward to coming home.

Please note Warburtons music playing in the background for this blog...

Coming home to my country. The country that is truely 'Great Britain'. Where the meat and potato pasties are always flowing. The weather remains ever unpredictable, but always welcoming, and the pork pies are plentiful. The land that created football, and generously shared it with the rest of the world. The land where your local pub welcomes you with open arms and a cheery smile (and crappy holts beer). Where richness and diversity is everywhere, where the Queen (god bless her) reigns over us all. When on a friday night you can pop to the local chippy, stuff your face & still get change from a few quid. Where my wife, my family & friends all live & look out for me. Where I feel loved, cared for & happy. A country of Coronation Street, big brother, Ant & dec,Eastenders (is Phil back yet), Peter Kay, and yes we don't mind when it's spittin...A place I call home, my home...

It is said that you can take the lad out of Manchester, but not the Manchester out of the lad & god damn it I wouldn't have it any other way.

As that red sequinned shoed gal from Kansas once said

'There's no place like home?'

B

p.s. Hello Phil's mum. How you doin?

Doft your caps. 100 n.o.

Well here are the results so far

Jones B Not out 100
Hopkins S Not out 100

Me and Sue are currently toasting our Century this morning. We've now been in India for 100 days. It's been a long and interesting ride. We've seen so much, met so many new people, and experienced so many new, strange & exciting things that will be both remember this experience for the rest of our lives.

Here are some of the highlights so far.

1. The first time you get off the plane. The place simply overwhelms you.
2. The wonderful hotel that now recognises us as the longest residents. We're now officially the Major out of 'Fawlty Towers'...Morning Basil.
3. The amazing majesty of the Taj Mahal.
4. Crazy traffic conditions. One rule. There are no rules apparently.
5. Holi. An amazing experience. Just how many colours can one man be?
6. Rajet. Our favourite Bar man in Delhi. He's looked after us both & always seems happy to see us. He almost has the drink on the table before you ask for it.
7. The Swimming pool. Yes work is tough & we're so far away. The luxury of a nice pool helps that somewhat.
8. The food. So many different tastes. So many nice places. Pan Asian (wonderful Mongolian BBQ there), Punjabi by Nature (holy c**p. How big is that prawn), The Kebab factory (and yeah it is nicer than it sounds), A touch of home cooking at Rob & Pooja's (Apple crumbel rules).
9. The odd drink or 2. We've had some excellent evenings out. The Lebanese Belly dancers were ok? Top nights @ TGI's (holy man them tequila massages). Ego's is always a good atmosphere. And they don't mind us bawling out some classics when we've had a few.
10. The Heat. It's getting hotter and hotter. At the moment it's 43 degrees. And although that sounds great compared to the U.K. believe me it's too damn hot.
11. Seeing Marsha and Dave arrive. xx

It's been a long few months sometimes but I have loved my time here. I'm off home next Monday, but I'm sure I'll be heading back this way again..

The Pain. The Pain

Hmm..After you guy's nagging me here's another thrilling installment to the blog. To be honest I am struggling to write/type this as it's been a fairly crappy weekend for me..It started on Saturday when we were told that there had been a meningitis outbreak in Delhi, and we needed to get injections as a precautionary measure

How can I sum this up??? I feckin hate needles. Now I know it's a lot better than getting ill, but the very thought of them makes me sick. It isn't just the needle, but the clinic itself. Don't get me wrong the clinic was well equipped, clean, but holy moly it was totally diorganised chaos(as opposed to organised chaos??)..Patients running in and out of rooms, doctors trying to find out where so & so had gone....

Eventually me & Suse were in the room waiting for the shot. Sue promised me a treat if I was a brave boy and let the nurse inject me? I kid you not this was the only way to persuade me. The injection itself wasn't too bad..Don't know what all the fuss was about? However my arm swelled up and I felt fairly crappy afterwards.

This was topped off by picking up a rather dodgy stomach infection the day afterwards. All in all an excellent few days. This is now coupled with me having to combat the 40+ degrees every day..Me, sweat???

Bow down Mister. Hare rama, Hare Krishna

This was a party at Rob's a few weeks back.Everyone had to get dressed up.'The brits' as Rob likes to call us were the Hare Krishna gang (do Hare Krishna's hang around in Gangs??). Rob was dressed up as a Sheikh & his wife Pooja was in a traditional Muslim outfit.

The party was excellent and as well as consuming muchos beer we were all partaking in the pipe that is in the foreground of the picture of me and Meesh.

'Mr Sandman bring me a dream'

I was in work last night and went to get a drink. Walking past the balcony area I saw from of the strangest sights since I've been here. The normally bright, sun drenched landscape was a dusty muted brown.

After watching this weird sight for a few seconds I soon realised that I was witnessing a Sandstorm. My range of vision was reduced to a few metres. There are some buildings near the office and the dust & sand totally obscured these. I almost expected a group of Tusken Raiders to emerge from the billowing sands???

The wind was howling and I was certainly glad that I was in the safe confines of the office. On the way back from work there were uprooted trees, Billboards blown over & the traffic was a nightmare. Most of the cars had a fine sheen of dust on them...

Even the locals here said they can't remember seeing a sandstorm that bad in Delhi before.

Poor Old Sebastian

Last night I had possibly the nicest meal since I've been here. The place is called Pan Asian, and is located inside the hotel. Although I've been there a few times, yesterday was the first time that we sat at the hot plate & had the food prepared in front of us...

My taste buds seem to have changed during my time here. Normally I'll stay away from Seafood of any description. In fact the closest I got was a couple of Bird's eye fishfingers??

However over here I can't get enough of the stuff. Any time I go out to eat I tend to have prawns for every starter. Last night I went Sea food crazy..Prawns soaked in Garlic, Prawn soup..Which tastes better than it sounds, and the big daddy for the main course was...Lobster

Now coming from the very poshest areas of Salford, Namely Sutton flats. Lobster, believe it or not didn't tend to be part of our staple diet. Much more along the lines of Carpet Burgers, Mince & mash, and anything that could be cooked in the deep fat fryer.

Now back to the giant crustacean. It looked like it had come from a cheesy 1940's monster flick..It was huge. The guy cooking for us was trying to show off as well..To make the fried rice he chopped the egg in half in mid air..Surprisingly Mark the rice was already cooked before he made fried rice...Weird that isn't it??

The lobster by the way was superb..I would have felt sorry for the creature but apparently after reading the fact that Lobsters, like Grasshoppers - feel no pain.
They have a decentralized nervous system with no cerebral cortex, which in humans, is where a reaction to painful stimuli proceeds..I didn't feel as guilty.

Everybody now....

Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Under the sea........

And for those of you that are pedantic, then ok, I know that Sebastian isn't a Lobster, but a crab....but who really cares

Brian and Marsh sitting in a tree ...

Well this must be a first.A nice picture of me & Marsh..Admittedly I'm still pulling a rather unusual face, but normally Meesh shy's away from the camera much in the same way that Matt talks bollocks & wears naff poncy clothes...quickly and all the time????

Well the night in question was to celebrate my birthday on the Saturday before marsha returned to the UK on the 10th April. The place was TGI Fridays' in versant Vihay

As you can see from the rather large cocktail in front of me I'd decided to hit it large in my last days as a twenty something....

As the cocktails flowed and I got drunker & drunker a strange notion came to my mind.I'm not too sure what particular piece of music inspired this thought, but I suddenly decided to re-inact a 'Jay One' classic. I wandered to near the bar and cleared some space, and attempted to do my own version of the now infamous 'Swan Dive'.....

No surprises for what happened next. I end up flat on my face looking like some floundering beached whale, with the staff of TGI's wondering what the hell this stupid Englishman was up to....

Although there ws only four of us, me, Marsh, Sue & Dave I had a top laugh. Another highlight was when the staff got me up on the table, give me a cake and proceded to wish me happy birthday.

Oh to be twenty nine again hey?



The Swan dive..Jay gave me 6.5 for effort, 3 for execution...Not too bad really



This is us leaving the bar at the end of the night. Sue went up to the little guy in the picture, and asked him where our driver was..Makes you wonder how drunk Sue was, as the poor little guy WAS our driver...Hmm he doesn't look nervous at all does he???

It's just not Cricket???

Hey everybody.Apologies for the lack of posts over the last week. Well I'm back and raring to go again.

What's I been up to this past week. Well the situation at the moment is that everyone else has gone back to the UK, and it's just me and Suse left now. It's not to bad, but with us covering the shifts it can get a bit lonely..sniff sniff.

Well as you all know I'm definitly the sporty type. With my perfect physique, natural ability & sheer determination I always thrive at any sport.

However the lads here have co-erced me to play 'Cricket' on Sunday. Now I'm up for anything, but the contemplation of someone hurtling a missile at my head does not entice me too much. this is coupled with the fact that they want me at the ground at 8.30 in the morning for training??? Me, Training.....

My problem is that I have the look of Ian Botham, minus any cricket skill whatsover. It's like sending Jay on as a centre forward for a football match. Sure it's looks good, but the end result is bound to be disapointing???

Brian 'Beefy' Jones

Eeeh. When I was a lad???

I don't know. I've only been 30 years old for about 19 hours and I'm already thinking about where the years have gone??

Here are some things I miss about being a kid. If you think of some then please add a comment.

1. Holding the end of your coat on a windy day, and seeing how far you get blown around the school playground.

2. Being the hero in 'kick ball hide' when you dash towards the football, releasing all your friends from capture.

3. Having a full day of water fights, during the summer holidays. How long did that six weeks last??

4. Getting 50p off my grandad every Sunday and buying football stickers, 20p mix, and a copy of 'Eagle'

5. Seeing a zx Spectrum for the first time & marvelling at seeing my name appear on the screen

10 PRINT "Brian is cool"
20 GOTO 10
RUN

6. Getting my first ever wages. That was working on Salford Market on the Shoe Stall. Think I earned about five pounds for the whole day

7. Playing Kingy. K-I-N-G-Y Spells Kingy, Ralivo, British Bulldog.

8. Watching programmes such as 'Dungeons & Dragons', Knightmare, Dramarama. They just don't make them the same anymore, do they??

9. Me and our kid playing football at the bottom of the flats, on Sutton Estate. I think we once played till one of scored 100 goals.

10. Playing A-Team, and me and 3 mates arguing who gets to play Hannibal.

The Big Loo

Well I've experienced a vast change in the weather during my stay here. The heat is the obvious big change. It's steadily rising and will continue to do so until May-June. The Heat also creates the most wonderful Storms. The skies are often lit up with a a colourful montage of lightning bolts, arcing across the horizon.

Another phenomenon that has recently arisen is the wind that now blows across the city. This wind is like no other that I have ever experienced. In normal heat the wind often acts as a respite from the heat. This type of wind however only increases that. It is locally called 'Loo' and the wind is not only hot, but burning. This coupled with the dust storms that are created created,akin to what I think it would be like living in a desert!!!!

It does not make you sweat as normal, but rather dehydrates your whole body. You can feel it sapping away the moisture from your skin. My daily consumption of water has increased and I regularly drink up to 8-10 pints of water.

I thought one of my favourite poets Ted Hughes summed up the power of wind. I hope you enjoy it?

Wind - Ted Hughes

This house has been far out at sea all night,
The woods crashing through darkness, the booming hills,
Winds stampeding the fields under the window
Floundering black astride and blinding wet

Till day rose; then under an orange sky
The hills had new places, and wind wielded
Blade-light, luminous black and emerald,
Flexing like the lens of a mad eye.

At noon I scaled along the house-side as far as
The coal-house door. Once I looked up --
Through the brunt wind that dented the balls of my eyes
The tent of the hills drummed and strained its guyrope,

The fields quivering, the skyline a grimace,
At any second to bang and vanish with a flap;
The wind flung a magpie away and a black-
Back gull bent like an iron bar slowly. The house

Rang like some fine green goblet in the note
That any second would shatter it. Now deep
In chairs, in front of the great fire, we grip
Our hearts and cannot entertain book, thought,

Or each other. We watch the fire blazing,
And feel the roots of the house move, but sit on,
Seeing the window tremble to come in,
Hearing the stones cry out under the horizons.

The Old breadKnife

I saw a really awful thing at the weekend. A guy was being ordered around, told what to do, and treated like a servant. He couldn't do what he wanted, and was at the beck and call to his master. He looked downbeaten and had the gaze of a man that was well and truly buckled.

If you don't know, Marsha flew in on Saturday...and than man is me!!!!!

So I'd been living it up as a free man for the past seven weeks. My clothes were scattered all around the room. I squeezed the toothpaste in the middle, I farted in bed, scratched myself, drank beer in the bath, and basically lived like a proper bloke..............

Her organisational skills are amazing. Not only had she started packing a week & 1/2 before she arrived but came in like a whirlwind when she got to my room. Now she has actually tidied the room, put my clothes in the wardrobe????, and organised everything...How I missed her.

Love ya Babe XX

The Real 'Holi'

Me, Sue & Andi were to be picked up by Rob on Saturday morning.

I had 'borrowed' Phil's garments for the festivities and looked pretty cool. Sort of like the costume that I wore in the picture on one of my previous blogs, but it was white (However not for long)

When we got to Rob's we went straight to his garden. The tables were bedecked with dyes, oils, powder, grease paint, water balloons, mettalic powder and god knows what else. There was a rather ominous looking bucket that was full of stuff as well. Apparently it was the original stuff they used to use before the invent of dyes etc...

Within the space of a few minutes the place was a scene of total carnage. We were all unrecognisable,painted, dyed, and soaked like drowned rats. As more & more of Pooja & Rob's friends turned up we continued to hurl paint, Splat each other with dye and have a really good laugh...

I got it big time off a group of them. rather than struggle I accepted the inevetible and took it like a man. The range of colours we all went through was fantastic. Purple, Red, Blue, Yellow, Green..You name it, we were covered in it. I mentioned the silver paint before also as this was the lethal stuff. It was the most difficult to get off, and the most enjoyable when you rubbed it in the face of your unsuspecting victim.

Andi had been running around getting everyone when we took a rest. The locals started talking in the local tongue and a plan was being sprung with Andi being the victim who was going to get it big time. Within five minutes he ended up looking like the Tin Man from' Wizard of Oz'..

By three we were all knackered. The heat was also particularly bad on Saturday as well, and we were all exhausted. We then sat and chilled for a while, had a few beers and relaxed

It was my first Holi and I certainly enjoyed myself. On the way back to the hotel there was music being played, parties everywhere and a kaleidoscope of colours. This party was gonna go on all night!!!!!

Excellent

Holi & the Incredible Hulk

Holi is a festival that is celebrated by all communities. It’s a festival of colours. It marks the beginning of summer season and is a real celebration in India.

We started our own Holi festival in work last Thursday. The day started off fairly normally. However the mood was lightened when we were told that we would be having the forthcoming Bank Holiday off..Woo hoo 4 full days.

We were all gathered together in the Break out area and the boss started off the ceremony. There were 4 plates full of coloured powdered dye. Everyone then proceeded to cover each other in the stuff. In the space of about 5 minutes we were all brightly coloured and having a whale of a time. Now the powder is quite timid and comes off fairly easily. That being said I spent a good ten minutes afterwards cleaning up. I went to outside again and was confronted by a few of the guys. They assured me that they didn't have any more powder and convinced me to join them outside. Why did I believe them?? One of them sneaked around me and covered me in Green powder....Don't get me mad.You wouldn't like it when I'm mad?? To be honest it was in the spirit of the day and I really enjoyed myself.

However as I said before, this was only in preperation for what was to come. The actual festival started on Saturday....

As Dick Dastardly would say 'Drat & Double Drat!'

Damn,Damn,and Damn again

Last night heralded the 3rd Auto Rickshaw Race.
The Three competitors was myself, Phil and Steve. We were about 25 mins away from the hotel and it was the longest track so far.

Our Lovely Host Sabina gave all 3 of the Rickshaw drivers the clear instructions, and suddenly we were under starters orders and off.......

I made a good start and shot off into an early lead. Closely followed by Steve, with Phil bringing up the rear. However for what Steve's rickshaw lacked in acceleration, on the straights, he caught up with me. Knowing this was going to be a tough race I was frantically shouting words of encouragement to my driver. Whether he understood was a different thing altogether.

Suddenly a point in the race changed everything. Me and Steve approached a T-junction. Steve's driver slammed on the brakes, but my driver, drove straight through the red lights like a maniac..Holy crap it was cool, but a bit nerve wracking...

The driver was really going for it now. I was bouncing along in the back like some sort of Fat overwight jockey riding the National on the home straight. I couldn't help but grin. Steve and Phil were way back at this stage. I suddenly had dreams of me smiling smugly occupying the winning post back at the hotel. This was furthered by the rest of the guys that were driving back in the car. They confirmed that I was in the lead, and by a long, long way.....

However something happened that unnerved me somewhat. The car went one way, and my Rickshaw went the other..Maybe the guy knew a short cut or something???

This is where things started to go pear shaped. The driver for some reason had taken me to the local shopping centre called 'PVR' This was about 10 mins away from the Hotel. I started shouting at him, "no mate. The Welcome Marriott Hotel. I need to go there. Jaldi. Jaldi" The driver simply stared back at me blankly. It was apparent that he did not have a clue where the hotel was...

I frantically rang Sabina, and asked her to speak to the driver and give him clear directions. During this time I was losing precious minutes and was looking at the realisation that victory was going to be snatched from my clutches again..5 Mins passed and we set off again. I was on the main road and pulled up to the hotel and........

The delay had been costly. Phil & Steve had already got back......I had lost again.

Now those of you that know me, You will know that I am a very gracious loser. I am humble in defeat, as I am in Victory..I can shake the victor's hands and congratulate them on a good race, consoling myself that it is the participation that counts..

What a load of bull*%**...I hate losing and even more so when I should have won!!!!

I will catch that pigeon..One day. One day !!!!!!!

What happened to the 'Stay Puft' Marshmellow Man??

Delhi by night changes dramtically. When I leave work at 01:30 the roads are usually deserted. It certainly makes a change from the thriving atmosphere on the way in.

You do however see some strange things. Take last night for example. The road was clear when suddenly a giant round shaped object seemed to be happily meandering down the road by itself. When we drove along side it, it transpired to be a tractor pulling along a heavy load of something or other.

Suddenly there was an entire convoy of these things. It looked like the Delhi Giant Marshmellow race or something???

The Cottage Emporium

Well I've been here for 6 weeks and have so far resisted the urge to do any shopping.

However I needed to do some walking after the meal at the Imperial, so thought I'd mooch around the Cottage for a while. The cottage Emporiums are scattered around India. They are government owned, and basically contain any imaginable sovenier you could need.

As thrifty as always I managed to buy some really cool stuff for under a tenner. Some of the furniture is amazing, and 95% of the products are hand made.

Guys. 1 guess where your prezzies are gonna come from!!!!!!

Snakes. Why did it have to be Snakes?

Had another exciting weekend. After a big session on Friday night, to wave off Pete & Al I didn't do much at all..Got up late and vegged at the pool all afternoon. Had a Head & Shoulder massage then went to China Gardens for a meal..Just what I needed.

I was beginning to feel that I was not soaking up enough culture, and was glad when we decided to go to India Gate. It's a really popular place, and the gate itself is a War Memorial. The surrounding park area is full of weird and exciting things. From countless hawkers, to children doing cartwheels, to the one thing I wanted to experience the most.....Holding a Snake.

The guys had been here last week and got the chance to hold a Cobra. Well when I say hold, they had it in a basket. I decided to go the full hog and have the snake around my neck. Now I must admit that I was quite nervous, especially when another guy turned up with 2 monkeys. This seemed to wind the snake up a bit, and I had images of Mojo & his wife battling with the bloody Cobra. The guy reassured me that it was ok. Hmmm this did not inspire much confidence, but I managed to stay there for a picture opportunity.

The place itself is so colourful, but the temperature is stifling..It must have been 36 degrees. Time for a bit of Opulence, so we headed to the Imperial Hotel. To be honest it makes the Marriott seem like a Berni Inn. We sat on the terrace and had an amazing meal..Steak & Mash...Gorgeous.

The Office quotes

Here are some Brent classics

David: There are limits to my comedy. There are things I'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped fella and go, 'Ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced.' Yeah well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not, it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.

Tim: I live with my parents.
David: Cherish them. Both of mine are dead. Well, my dad's not dead, but in a home, so good as.

David: Well, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon, if you wanna stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted, so... every cloud.

David: This is Sanj, this guy does the best Ali G impersonation, Aiiieee. I can't do it, go on, do it.
Sanj: I don't, must be someone else.
David: Oh sorry, it's the other one...
Sanj: The other what... Paki?
David: Ah, that's racist.

I have also been listening to XFM where Ricky Gervais has his own chat show. He's team with Stephen Merchant and the legend that is Karl Pilkington

Log on at http://www.xfm.co.uk/sectional.asp?id=1409

it's piss funny....

'Jack PumpkinHead' & 'Right Said Pete'

Pete and Alex are two lads from bristol. They've been in Delhi for just over two weeks & sadly will be going home this Friday

In honour of them I will regale you with some stories of them both.

Please note. the stories you are about to hear may, or may not be entirely accurate. I also may elaborate them for my own comedy purposes.

Alex is a really nice friendly bloke. he owns the biggest smile I have ever seen. However these same proportions affect the rest of his noggin as well. Mr Pumpkinhead seemed about right. He's always polite and possible the most gullible person I have ever met

The jokes are on him!!!!!!

1) We told him that you are not allowed to eat with your left hand
2) We told him he had to salute the doormen on the way out of the hotel
3) We convinced him that Gelam means a generic greeting,when in actual fact it means 'Loose Motions'
4) We told him that he needs to stare at someone when they are talking to him, as to blink is a total sign of ignorance. He got the name 'Blinky' due to this
5) Picking up from his fear of Spiders, we told him about the huge ones in india called 'Drop Spiders'. They hide in trees and drop on un-suspecting tourists, taking a bite out of their neck.

Pete seems a bit more savvy then Poor old Alex,and tricking him proved more difficult. He's a young lad, and as usual, being from Bristol has a bit of the old 'oo-ah' about him. At times you can imagine him sitting in a field, with a piece of Barley hanging out of his mouth...drinking the old cider...Alright my love etc etc. It's made particularly funnier when the Aussie, Rob takes the piss out of him...Hello Peeeeterrrr!!!!!

Pete is also the 2nd one of us to pay a visit to the Apollo. Where you or I would simply take a few rennies for a bit of stomach ache, Pete felt inclined to spend two nights in the local hospital, nursing his poorly tummy. Now I'm not saying that Soutern boys are soft but.....

I've also had the misfortune to be partnered with both lads in the Rickshaw races. The first one me and Al got totally blitzed by Sue and Phil. The 2nd one was even worse, whereby me and Peter, finished last on the last race on Saturday. There are approx 1 million rickshaw drivers in Delhi (or something like that) What misfortune do I have to draw the same feckin idiot driver twice....

I had a swimming race with Al on Sturday. I started off earnestly with the old front crawl and shot off at a fair rate. Now normally when you're swimming you normally see the other person out of the corner of your eye. Not seeing Al at all, I stopped and saw him gracefully doing the Breaststroke. he must have moved about 3 foot. I guess he had to spend a vast amount of his concentration keeping his head above water. As Phil referred to a line from 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' " It's like an orange stuck on a toothpick".....

On Saturday we were all out for a meal. At the end of the night we were all pretty much trolleyed and hounding the DJ to play some classics. We listened to Gun N Roses and were all bawling along. Petes choice was a bit strange. he got up and said I'm gonna request one of my favourites. About 10 seconds later 'Deeply Dippy' came on. Whatever floats your boat mate........

All in all I've really enjoyed the lads company, and they've both been a good laugh. We've played cards, where Al got yet another nickname 'Mr Frodo' for calling the wild cards "Magic ones", drank beer, rode like lunatics around Delhi on Auto rickshaws, rode on Elephants. Me and Pete invented Matchstick Jenga. This involves a full box of matches in an ashtray and lighting one at a time, trying not to set them all off, Appreciated the finer points of Fashion TV, especially the swimsuit hour, and in all had a really good few weeks

Have a good last week lads

B

The Race, The Bounty & a packet of Fruitella's

Last night started off fairly quietly. I was still recovering from a bit of a dodgy stomach, and looked forward to a quiet meal.

Sue & Phil met me downstairs in the hotel bar after work and we just chilled for a while. Pete & Alex then arrived so we decided to get some food. By this time Sue had polished off several Large Vodka's & Cranberries and we decided to hit Dak Shin. This place do the most superb Indian Food.

We had a number of different dishes and each time specified that we want the mild ones. Pete was still dodgy about his stomach. This got lost in translation and all the food was hot and spicy (nice though)

By now Sue was well and truely gone, She was sat there saying

'It's woman's day today'
'I never swaer and I'm a real f&%&*** lady me hic'
etc
etc

As the desserts arrived Phil tried to spike Sue's ice cream with Chilli powder. She still had her wits about her unfortunately and didn't touch it.

As per my previous log, we had talked about a Auto-Rickshaw race. Phil then said why don't we have the race now.

We split into two Teams. Sue and Phil against me and Alex. Pete decided to wait at the ranch and act as judge. The stiplations in the race included this

Each team must hail a Rickshaw
Driver to PVR (local shopping complex) and back.
Stop at PVR and each buy an item of fruit
Hold hands the entire time

With the rules agreed both teams set off at a gallop out of the hotel. I've never seen the doorman salute so many people so fast. We legged it to the hotel gates and.....There was absolutely no traffic on the road whatsoever. Hmm well is was about one in the morning.

Phil and Sue wandered up the road, whilst me and Al, hung round the gates looking for our elusive fare. It sounded like Sue & Phil were being attacked by Kuja and his pals, and I didn't fancy the old foaming mouth so waited some more.

Crafty one that I am I asked the doorman if he could get us a Rickshaw. He said that there won't be many around at this time, but could get us a taxi. Now I know this is in Breach of rule No1, but there was our reputation and 100 rupees at stake.

We sneaked in our Taxi and drove past Sue & Phil. Laughing at our cunning that we were already ahead and confident of a victory. PVR however, like everywhere else was pretty much shut down. We only found one shop that was open and they only sold chocolate,cigs etc. Hang on, they sell bounty's..They're full of cocunut. Also I spied a packet of Fruitella's....they're full of the stuff..

With our two fruits we headed to where the Rickshaws were and grabbed the first driver. Throwing him 50 rupees we said Marriott Hotel 'Jaldi,Jaldi'..This guy however didn't know his stuff and spent a good few mins working out the directions...It's only two roads...

Suddenly just as we set off, Vodka Bird & Phil ran past us. Sue tried to drag me out of the rickshaw, but we sped off again. Thinking now that they had only just arrived, made us more relaxed. We had a nice quiet sedate journey back to the hotel, smug as you like that victory was ours for the taking.

This mood changed somewhat when as we pulled up Sue and Phil were already legging it back to the hotel...How the hell they got ahead of us I don't know.

We had to admit that we had been well and truely beaten. Of course being the Gallant Victors, Phil & Sue didn't rub it in our face too much...yeah right.

So ended the race. Sue and Phil had stopped into Subway and got two pieces of cake with nuts in them..Although this technically doesn't class as fruit, with our meagre offering we could hardly complain.

Now I could sit here and complain about why we lost...In actual fact I'm gonna.

Our Rickshaw driver was c***.He seemed to ignore our pleas for speed and took us the scenic route back home.

Alex counting out all his loose change to pay for the bounty & Fruitella's...10.....20......25...Oh I've lost count etc etc

Not having Sue on our Team..The vodka sodden 'lady' who persisted in shouting Snell,Snell at the poor rickshaw driver.I didn't even know he was German....

Te-quila Massage (Bird)

Me & Phil left work at about 8ish.We decided to head to Versant Vihay, where the party would be held in a club called RPM. We got there and tried the old 'I'm a English tourist, with now idea where I am, but rather than ask,I'll wander around aimlessly for a while'. We eventually stumbled upon TGI Fridays. We got two stools at he bar and ordered the usual Kingfishers. From that point on things got a bit messy. We got some cocktails, and apparently there was a deal with Absolut Vodka, so we crap loads of them. We tried Muddy Water, Strawberry Daquiris, Cosmopolitan, Vodka,Schnapps,Baileys,Kahlua,Gin,Brandy..You name it we had it in a a cocktail

I was also intrigued by the way it described in the menu how to smoke a perfect Cigar. The last line read, 'Do not stub out your cigar when you have finsihed, rather let it go naturally. After all if a cigar's that good, let it die with dignity?????'

Suddenly the man walking round with the Tequila walked by us. In for a penny, so we ordered two shots of the old lethal stuff. However this was not the normal tequila routine. Sure we put lime on our hands, and then some salt. However we then got told we have to have the massage as well...this basically meant the tequila guy, slapping you about the head as you were trying to drink your shot....after a few of these and several more cocktails, Rob & Pooja turned up. we had a drink with them (of course) and got Rob & pooja A Tequila massage as well..Well it was their Wedding Anniversary..Congratulations guys.

Me and Phil had a good laugh with the barmen as well. They tried a few card tricks but we had them well scouted. Phil did a couple and I impressed the guys by showing them how to open a bottle with a lighter...

Wandered,staggered to RPM where the party was in full swing. Obviously by this time me and Phil were well and truely trolleyed. I needed to dance to get rid of the sick feeling that was pounding around my head...No idea what the music was, but I guess I had a good time

At about 2ish me and Phil had, had enough.We wanted to go home in style and ordered a Auto-Rickshaw....And no, I can't remember much more than that

The Great White

Mr Bisset is the big boss here at work. I could tell you that he is a great man, a man of wisdom, knowledge and experience. I could tell you that he has travelled the globe and soaked up the culture and ambience in each to create a colourful, intelligent character. I could tell you of a man of refinement, elegance & wit....

However all I will say is that he's a flamin gallah ( as he would so elequantly put it. If you hadn't guess then Rob fairs from the fair country of Australia. If you can imagine Alf from Home & Away then you're on the right track.

He lets his mouth run over when you start talking about the cricket. I cannot wait to see his face when the Barmy Army crush the life out of the Aussies during the Ashes this year.

Now I'm not saying that Rob likes the odd drink now and then. However I will tell you what one waiter said to Rob last night. Now bear in mind that Rob hadn't been to the hotel for about a year. The first thing the waiter says to Rob is "I remember you, your capacity for drinking beer was most impressive"

Phil has also made the very astute observance over the PR in Australia and what a fantastic job they have done. What he means by this is that they have a massive tourist industry from just having a pointy Opera house & a rather large pebble called(Ayrs rock)

10 Things To Do In Delhi When You're Off

Sit by the pool

Sat by the pool for about 4 hours yesterday. The temperature was about 32 degrees. Enjoyed dipping in the pool to keep myself cool, plus sampled a few kingfishers.

Have a Indian Massage

Everyone else had had one of these so I thought it was time I sampled a relaxing hour of utter relaxation. However the guy, yes you heard right, a guy, proceeded to bend,crack,push,beat,and pummel me for 60 minutes. That being said I would definitly recommend this to anyone. I felt totally relaxed. However you have not got be at all self-conscious as the bloke certainly touches parts that no man has touched before..Luckily the towel saved most of modesty. Thinking of Christina Hamilton ensured that I did not get 'aroused' and lost in the moment.

The Steam Room

After the massage, another good way to expel any, stress, crap from your system is to spend a good 20 mins in the Steam room. Takes your breath away for the first few minutes, but after a couple of shallow breaths it's not too bad. I'm there with my towel on, sweating like a bastard when in walks this short bald Indian guy. Quick introduction, and his towel is off and he's sat cross legged next to me. Hmmm had a chat for a while and made my excuses.

The Hotel Bar

Feeling like I'd had the best nights sleep in ages, I relaxed in the hotel bar for a while. The Bar man Parjat (really nice guy) got my usual and I just watched the afternoon go by. The music was quitre a weird selection for a five star in Hotel. It was Rammstein. Very heavy German rock music. Apparently Parjat is really into that sort of music and we chatted for a whilse about Glastonbury. However I think we got lost in translation for a bit.

Chill in the room

Went back to my room for a couple of hours. Watched some some TV and did a crossword. Thanks Ali for the letter and picture of the baby. Can't believe you're gonna be having a baby in 3 months...Cool.

Room Service

This is the part of the hotel that I love. Ring through straight away and it's "Hello Mr Jones. What would you like" I got a gorgeous sandwich and another Kingfisher..Oh yeah did I tell you I like the odd lager or two.

The toilet

As you all know I'm one for chatting about the diversity of what happens when I'm on the toilet. Well in Delhi it's like a kinder egg. You never know what's gonna come out!!!! However I've been on the old Brown River for the past couple of days and was pleasantly surprised by what i would consider a regular movement

The wind up continues

Rob has come up with a new wind up for Pete & Alex. We've told the lads that the word 'Gelam' is used as a standard greeting, used for anything from hello,goodbye,seya later etc etc. However in actual fact it means 'I've Messed myself'...The looks they get off the doormen is excellent.

The Kebab Factory

Got a call from Phil and we were being taken out for a meal at the Kebab Factory. They bascially serve you up loads of meat including, prawns, lamb, fish, beef, Shami kebabs, and for the first time Goat...Quite rich and I was well and truely stuffed. The toilet may have brown intermittent showers today....

Cards at Andi's

Round the night off with a card session at Andi's. Me,Pete,Alex & Andi play gin for 100 rupees each. However there is a points sytem to it, and turns what is normally a boring game into one that requires a lot more thought..Alex however is the worst player I have ever seen.One of his classic is to call the 'wild' card the magic one. From this he's got the nickname 'Mr Frodo'. Pete the jammy bastard won on the last hand...Damn

Excellent day and shows that days off are what you make them..Good Karma and Gelam my friends. Gelam

Now I am the Master

Well the new lads have been here for quite a few days now. They still have that look about them that I can keenly remember when I first arrived

Really nice blokes, but one of them has been stitched up.

Remember when I got caught out with the 'don't eat with your right hand', 'Salute the doorman' etc etc...Well I have devised a new one for Alex. I mentioned casually over breakfast 'Have you noticed the 'blinking thing' yet??

When he hadn't I advised him that he'll notice when in conversation with someone that they won't blink. It's seen as a lack of interest from the person listening.

So now the poor guy is constantly staring at people when they're having a chat..

Even better was when he said "I'm getting the hang of this staring thing now.Cheers"

Excellent

An elephant never forgets.Nor will I

Saturday started off quite plesantly. We spent some time near the pool, but were given the unfortunate news that Phil wished us to go shopping at Four. Not too pleased about this disruption, on such a relaxing day I eventually relented and decided to tag along.
Curiously we had to wait for our vehicle to pick us up at the back of the hotel. Still I suspected nothing. However Phil had a sly grin on his face, and kept on saying the words 'Wait for the People carrier'....

Suddenly this massive,grey,magnificent,slumbering beast was walking up the road. Now I've always had a child like awe about Elephants, and was lost for words to be so close to one. We all immdeiately began to pet, and stroke this amazing creature. I can't even begin to count the ammount of pictures we all took.

The handler then began decorating & painting it. Even at this stage I was still not aware of what was still to come. Suddenly Pooja announced to us that as there was Seven of us, we needed to split up into 2 groups before we went on our Elephant ride?????

Our group (Me,Phil & Sue) were 2nd.This then meant an excited hour wait before we took our amazing journey.

The hour soon passed and we all were left to stand next to the elephant wondering how on earth we were going to get on it. The Handler uses what can only be described as a poker, to give commands to the creature. I can certainly imagine that even this is hardly considered a scratch when compared to the leathery tough hide of the elephant. Ths skin feels very strange and again I just spent many minutes dumb struck. The handler gave out a few commands and the beast slowly got on it's knees and waited for us to hop aboard.
I boarded first.And with great trepidation stood on its neck and clambered aboard. There was quite a lot of room and I settled as Phil & sue managed to get on as well.
Once on there the elephant rose again. It does this 1 foot at a time (obviously) so the carriage goes round in a circular motion. We must have been a good 15ft off the ground.
The handler again gave a command, and we began our journey, if somewhat slowly. I was amazed of the attention we were receiving. Everyone seemed to have either stopped working and were just staring at us.
It was also my first real experience with people in Delhi. Everyone had time to stop & wave. Children were shouting and waving. Locals were asking where we were from. It certainly did create quite a storm.
I later found out from Pooja that an elephant is a not too common event anymore in the major cities. In the past they would have been found everywhere, but traffic restrictions meant that most of them are gone now.
We all really enjoyed seeing a new part to India and spent a majority of the journey, open mouthed in a state of wonder.
What topped it off was riding back to the hotel just as the sun was setting.
Soon enough our journey was over but one that will never be forgotten.

The Hair,The heat and the Monica

This is me on the Tuesday night after I got here.

My hair had reached an uncontrollable stage and had doubled in volume over one day

i had to make a drastic decision..The hair had to go..Step forward Mr Burkin and the Grade one all over......I was upset as it had taken ages to grow,but the heat man

Walking on water & the Flaming Sambuca

Picture 1
Here's me at the pool on Saturday. The water was freezing. I found it a lot easier to just walk on the surface

Picture 2
Round at Rob's on Sunday night. Me and Phil thought we'd impress everyone with the Flaming Sambuca trick....Excellent

Brian's new clobber

I went to the bosses house after work yesterday. Really nice place. Plus he's got some servants, a chef etc etc and is really hospitable. We had a gorgeous meal, and we had the nicect Dhal I've had since I've been here. I also got a taste of home and had some Apple crumble and Ice cream
I had a few beers and also got to try on my Costume for next weeks Opening Ceremony
The outfit is really ornate, hand made and looks really cool...I've asked Mark to download some piccies so you can see it for yourself

The main outfit is called a Sherwani.The stole is called a Chunni......

Gullibles Travels...

Oh yes...I have been well and truely stitched up by these guys.
I will draw your attention to one of my entries (ooh-er) regarding the taboo nature of eating food with your right hand.
I was told yesterday that this was a complete load of bollocks...
To do this is not insulting, nor will the chef run out of the kitchen brandishing a cleaver for insulting him.....
I guess it's an old wives tale.....
Oh dear how stupid am I....
However I got my revenge on my work colleague Phil when I recalled the conversation we had a the Taj mahal last week. The guide was taking photo's of us all. However when it came to Phil he asked him (innocently mind) Can you move out of the way as you are blocking the Taj Mahal..
Quite an accomplishment to block from view one of the wonders of the world..Ha Ha

This wind up has been used on all of us and I was the latest batch of fresh meat
We've got some newies coming over next week and then I will have my revenge...Mwwahhhhhha ha ha ha

A dash of Reality

I have just taken my first break of the day. I was in the break out area and caught myself gazing out of the window.
There was a child of about 9-10 year old. Her job was simple. She had to carry bowl fulls of sand, on her head, to the construction workers. This meant the same repetitive exercise of going back and forth between the pile of sand, and the workers.
I could guess the sand weighed in access of 15 lbs. She would do this same job all day,12 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Her pay would be equivalent to about 40p per day......

Now I'm not on to preach, but I know myself that I will never moan about work again....

Lucky does not even come close

Family Values

Just had a good chat with the boss here called Rob..
He was explaining the strong family values intricate to the people of India
Family strength is paramount here. It is the family's responsibility to ensure that everyone is looked after.
A lot of the money here is classed as 'Old money'. Property and land has been passed down from generation to generation. A son will take over his father's dynasty with the sole responsibility of ensuring that, in time he will be able to pass it to his sons, and so on and so on.
I also found out that land is really expensive. A plot of land near work was sold yesterday for about 5 millions pounds.That's for a 5 acre plot....
A square foot of land here in Gugaon would cost about 4000 rupees (about fifty pounds)....

Accustomed already

Well it's been over a week here and I'm already getting used to the place.
Thought I'd tell you my typical day in work so far.
I get up at ten-ish..Head downstairs and stack up on the old caffiene in the hotel.
Our driver Vijay picks us up at 12:00. He's a cool guy, but doesn't say much. On the way out the doomen (maharaja's) open the door,salute and we're in the car.
Within a few yards we're in the thriving metropolis that is New Delhi. The roads are often busiest during this time. The first junction we come to is normally where there are a lot of beggars. They approach the car, and start tapping on the window.Still quite tough to deal with. Soon enough we're on the main highway to Gugaon (where are building is).
Most of the building is like a building site. Although in the week I've been here, there is a noticeable difference.These guys work long hours,dangerous work, and all for 50 rupees a day. Antony, I don't think Site supervisers are a premium here.
Get into work and lunch is served. For the first few days I was ok with it, but I don't think I've got a strong enough stomach for spicy food that early. However the Dhal is nice with a couple of small pitta breads.
Meet up wit the the guys and always shake everyone's hand. It's a custom out here that I really like. Plus, the guys always seem happy to see you.
Start work at 13:30, thats 08:00 your time guys. So far my job has involved monitoring the guys and sorting out any issues..I work through till 01:30 (20:00) and our old pal Vijay is often found asleep, waiting for us downstairs.
The drive back at that time is fairly quiet...20 mins or so.
Back to the hotel and I often have a couple of beers with Sue and Andi.
I still however am not too tired and end up staying up till about 04:30. The TV here is not too bad. There's either a decent film, or a bit of footie to watch. Maybe order room service and grab a sandwich
Soon enough I'm asleep and up again at 10 to do it all over again......
Our shifts are 2 days in, one day off..I'm off next on Saturday..woo hoo

Long hours but well worth it.......

The Indian Helicopter

The rickshaws, or 'Indian Helicoptors' as the locals like to call them are the best way to get around the crowded streets in delhi. They are also very cheap about 30 rupees..less than 50p.

I have been set a challenge by one of my work colleagues!!!!

On Saturday we are being taken to Saket market (just to look around). On our return journey however me and Phil are taking a auto-rickshaw back to the hotel. The winner is the first one to cross the line.
This ride will be scary,exciting, nerve jangling and also loads of fun.
I have even been attempting the local phrases for faster....Jaldi.....

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines day to all you lovers out there

xx
http://http://www.itlnet.net/Image/Desktop/Valentines-Day.JPG

Just say no & the Agra Fort

After the Taj we went to the marble inlay shop. The craftsman use the same techniques of those done to create the Taj. Again to view such works being created by hand, to such detail is very impressive. After this we visited the Star of Indi. The actual Star is the national stone of India, and is 2nd strongest substance, after the diamond. Again the shop is amazing. The guys in there are very persistent. Once you look at something, they are virtually wrapping it up for you. Not the selling technique I would reccomend, but I still bought a prezzie for Marsha (you'll love it Angel)
After this we went to the fort. This place covers over 50 acres and is full of history. However we were again surrounded by peddlars. They never give up. They start from a price of 1500 rupees, but go all the way down to a 100. Shaking your head, saying no repeatedly has no effect on these guys...Luckily are guide was on hand to give them a bit of verbal....
The fort is massive and has hundreds of inter-connecting rooms that seem to go on forever. The attention to detail here is amazing. At one viewpoint you can go to different windows and from each one the Taj is framed perfectly. You can imagine the King centuries ago gazing upon this.
Between the fort and the Taj we stopped off at the Sheritan hotel. Real 70's feel to it and was not too impressed. Guess I'm used to better things now, living at the Marriott!!! There was also the bizarre guy wandering around in a Donald duck costume. I say Donald Duck but it was the crappiest one I've ever seen....
After the fort we headed back home. This journey took even longer (about 4 1/2 hours). The traffic here is really bad. Plus as mentioned before the highway code does not apply in India. The louder your horn seems to be the order of the day. Back home at last after being eaten by moquito's, I chilled out at the bar with a Kingfished then Phil decided to trat us for a slap up meal at Pan Asian
Cross between Chinese and Indian food. I had the biggest prawns I have ever seen. And that was meant to be a starter. Used the old chopsticks and to my credit used them quite proficiently.
Back to my room jsut in time to watch the derby. Not too sure of the score, but apparently Shrek got a goal...To be hoenst the city boys only raise their game against the big guns...Not those Salford reds...

Bitter moi...

What a fantastic weekend....just don't mention the football. I mentioned it once but got away with it. What do you mean we started it (thank you Mr Fawlty)

The Taj Mahal

Up at six this morning. Managed to get about an hours sleep. We were off to Agra. This is the home of the Wonder of the world, that is the Taj Mahal. Quite a long journey (about three hours). However the further we got from Delhi, the less Western influence we saw. It again felt like I was visiting this place for the first time. We saw Bears performing in the street and monkeys everywhere.
We got to the Taj at about nine. As soon as the car pulled up we were surrounded by locals. Peddlars were selling there wares, and guides were offering their expert advice. Luckily Andi had been before, and got the same guide. His name was Shammy. A young lad who was really helpful and full of interesting facts.
The security is really tight at the Taj. You are not allowed to bring in mobile phones, or any other electrical equipment. This is a security threat, but cameras are fine. When you first see the Taj it looks almost unreal. It has a shimmering quality to it, and is very overwhelming.
History Lesson
The King of Agra had three wives. Upon the death of his 3rd wife he wanted to build her a Palace. This was done as she had been the only wife to provide him with a son. The construction of the Taj took 22 years. Over 20,000 people worked on it's construction. His wife was buried in the centre and upon his death, 8 years later, the king was laid to rest next to her.
Before his death however the King wished to build a second Taj (or Crown Palace as it is known). He did however wish to build a black one across the river from the Taj. His son was concerned about the expenditure, as the Taj itself had cost billions. Due to this the son imprisoned his father in the Agra Fort, some miles from the Taj. The father was locked away, but the fort was positioned in such a way that he could always gaze at his beloved Taj....
The Taj itself is stunning. The craftsmanship is in such detail. The words of the Koran are around each entrance. The words are bigger at the top, to ensure the words look the same size. This skill coupled with the marble inlay, of jewels,onyx, plus many other precious jewels is fantastic. I sat on the 'Diana' bench and soaked up the magnificence of this true wonder of the world.

Saturday 12th

Saturday has been the coolest day so far.
Actually ventured outside from the hotel and wandered about the place. It's strange to have so many people staring at you, but you seen get used to it. Wandered around the shops and grabbed something to eat in a place called 'Ruby Tuesdays'. Sort of like Chiquito's back home, but really cheap...After a bit of shopping we decided to get a ride back to hotel. However we did it the only way you should do in delhi, by RICKSHAW..It's really cool, and you feel the bumps all the way. The best way I can describe it is like riding the Mad Mouse, in the middle of a busy street...scary, but cool.
Back to the Hotel and chilled out for a couple of hours. The original plan was to go to an Italian and then a nightclub. However the boss out here, Rob, had another plan......
We ended up at a Lebanese resteraunt with Belly dancers!!!! I was forced to watch them and it was a really chore as you can imagine. I also sampled the local Bongs..I'm not too sure of the Indian name, but they are really cool..I had Banana flavour...
After a few more drinks, and yet more belly dancers we hit the local nightclub. Had a few more Kingfishers and crashed out at about three in the morning...An early start beckoned (6am)

What I've seen so far

An Elephant..Loads of cows, A pig, Camels, Horses, Rickshaws, Wedding cars covered in fresh flowers, Guys eating weird wraps, a poor child with crutches knocking on my car door, A doorman who looks like he's come straight from a Indiana Jones film, catching myself eating with my right hand...very taboo, gorgeous food (traditional or otherwise), an opulent stunning hotel, people bowing, Shaking hands all the time, Shanty towns, children playing, people who work 12 hours a day 7 days a week for apprx 70p per days, Building sites errected in days,dust,heat,market stalls and so so many people

There is also the head shaking. Indian people will shake their head when they are agreeing with you. Just try and draw an s shape with your haed and that's it..

It can be very weird when they're saying they understand and shaking their head at the same time...

comments

Thanks to Mr Slattery's advice you can all comment on the blog

Go on Reach out and touch me....

my address is???

Marriott Welcome hotel
district centre
saket
new delhi
india
110017

please can you all post your addresses

Day 4 in India

Well the past three 1/2 days have been amazing.

The highlight has been the 'operations' party..Free beer all night and the locals just don't stop dancing.I also got offered the local cigar 'BD' Though it would be rude to say no and had a go.They're single leaves with herbs..no crappy toxins in these bad boys..They are quite harsh and I've not been back since.

Work is going really well. A lot of that is from the level these guys are at.They are so professional and hard workers. Think my views have already changed regarding the 'exploitation' issues surrounding western work in this country.

These people want to work so much and that dedication really shows in their personality. I know you could argue that we should not exploit a poor country, but to be honest we are providing work for these people. They love the job and are intelligent enough to appreciate this opprotunity. They are so family orientated and support their parents, grandparents with a majority of their wages..

I have realised that you cannot solve all the worlds problem, and you have to make the best out of your situation. That's what these people are doing..Seizing a fantastic opportunity...good karma my friends....

What time is it where you are

It's 12:55 here..that means that it's 6:30 back home

Weird huh?? It's like I've travelled to the future

who needs a flux capacitor

brian Doc brown jones

I'm in Delhi

Hello there everyone

Well this is my 2nd day in Delhi....

This place is amazing..I cannot even now sum up what an incredible place this is

So far I've seen an elephant,loads of cows,camels,people hanging out of cars...masses of traffic,rickshaws,markets...and so many people

the marriott hotel is simply stunning. They salute you when you comein,wash yours hands (if you let them),,,five star all the way

This is juxtaposed with the harsh reality of what is mostly an impoverished 3rd world country

there is a shanty town right next to our building. the builders simply camp up next to the building site and move on when it's finished

A woman approached the car yesterday carrying a baby, begging for money. It's a hard thing to see and be exposed to

The people here are really nice though. We're going to a full on party tonight..should be pretty cool.

I'm also going elephant trekking on saturday....

it's really hot, really strange and will be an adventure that I will remember forever..

Mark I've just realised that you're the only one with this address..Will you send to all the others

Guys please post notes and keep in touch

Next blog I will hopefully have learnt some Indian phrases to impress you with

For now you will have to do with this one

Jumanji...is that even Indian

seya later

Vijay Jones

My very Own Googlewhack...

I by chance ventured onto the googlewhack website.

I needed a 'new thing' to do as part of my new year resolution so decided that I would try to get myself a googlewhack

For those not in the know, a googlewhack is where you enter two seperate words in to google search engine and you only get one generated hit

I tried with the below and came close
xenophobic cumquats 4 Hits
xenophobia cumquats 3 Hits
kaleidoscopes cumquats 2 Hits

As you can see I was obsessed with the word cumquat (don't ask me why) I eventually threw it together with bedazzled and

Ta da

bedazzled cumquats 1 hit only

Yes you could say that I am a genius

If you don't believe me then check it out on whack stack..(see google for more info)

Classic

I went to see my tailor. he advised that I should have the bottom of my pants cut off and given to the local library

That's a turn up for the books.....

Travelling to India

Got some great news through work this week

I have been selected to work in India for 2-3 months in january 05..Maybe longer depends on work etc etc

I have to have the injections done asap. I'm gonna end up with more pricks in me than Elton John

From a personal and work related angle this is too good an opportunity to miss

I'm gonna be staying in a city just outside of Delhi in the Business district

roll on January..

Glastonbury 2004

I have finally come down from what has been one of the coolest events of my life

The atmosphere was amazing. There was no sign of trouble and everyone was so chilled out

From Thursday when we got there (of course in the p****** rain) you could sense something. We managed to get our tent up near Green fields and made camp. After drying off in the sunshine we then just relaxed for a while. this was obviously helped by the guy selling cheap 'organic' brownies..Oh my god..what a crazy afternoon that was

We watched the footie and again the atmosphere was electric..50,000+ at least cheering on the boys.

As for the music itself..Oasis were ok..nothing special.The Killers at the new tent were outstanding. Joss Stone looked good,Black eyed Peas got jeered for mentioning their homeland.Guess anything U.S. is a big no no..By far the best was Muse. I managed to get right at the front and from that point became part of the crowd. I could not move independently and had the hold on...but it was well worth it.

There was also so much to do as well. Go to the circus for a while, chill out drinking burmese tea, bet on naked mud wrestling, get a campfire going near the sacred stones and watch the sunrise....all in all an amazing place

Peace out Brother. Peace out.

Classic Blackadder quotes

I found the below on an old e-mail and they really cheered me up....

Blackadder (on Percy's ruff) "You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate."
Percy "It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy!"
Blackadder "To another plate-swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months."

Blackadder "I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel."

Mrs. Miggins "Bonjewer, monsewer. It's French."
Blackadder "So is eating frogs, cruelty to geese and urinating in the street.
But that's no reason to inflict it on the rest of us."

Blackadder "Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship."
Baldrick "Thank you, Mr. B."
Blackadder "But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie.
I will therefore confine myself to saying simply 'Sod off, and if I ever meet you again,
it will be twenty billion years too soon'." [He leaves.]
Baldrick "Goodbye you lazy, big-nosed, rubber-faced bastard."

Blackadder "Oh, God, what a way to die. Shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll."

Blackadder "I'm afraid the duel is off."
George "Off!?"
Blackadder "As in sod. I'm not doing it."

Blackadder (to George and Baldrick) "Henceforth I shall pray nightly to the God
who killed Cain and squashed Samson that he comes out of retirement and gets back
into pracice with the pair of you."
[He answers the phone.] "Blackadder. Ah, Captain Darling...
You want two volunteers for a mission into No Man's Land. Codename - Operation Certain Death.
Yes, I think I have just the fellows." [Hangs up.] "God is very quick these days."

Blackadder "Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests their are tribes of Indians as yet untouched
by civilisation who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions that yours."

Blackadder "I think the phrase rhymes with 'clucking bell'."

Percy "Made a note in my diary on the way here. Says simply 'bugger'."

The Goblet of Fire

Heard a rumour that Kate Winslet is to play Fleur Delacour in the 4th installment of the Harry potter movie.

Joke

George Michael got rushed to hospital with a mars bars shoved up his a***

On closer inspection it was just a careless wispa...

Stand by me

A friend of mine is doing a photography course for Uni. The project is based on 'Sixth Sense'. She went to a local cematery to get some shots with a friend recently. Now let me explain that this graveyeard is really old, most stones date back to WW1 or before. As they were walking down the path my friend stopped suddenly. about 5 yeads ahead of her she saw two legs, where someone was either a) passed out b) very drunk or c) dead. Not wishing to look at what could be a rotting corpse they called the police. When they attended the police managed to wake the man. Apparently he'd taken an overdose and wished to end his time on earth. Now I have already mentioned how old the graveyard is. If my friends hadn't been there the poor guy may have still been there now...He was taken to hospital and although not confirmed is hopefully still alive

Well done to Ginge and Emma. Saving a guy's life is pretty cool.

The big run

I took part in the Manchester big run on Sunday. I'm not one for keeping fit, doing plenty of exercise etc but I thought I'd give it a go. I had a great time and completed the course in 1 hour 8 mins 37 seconds. The sun was balzing and my body is aching now, but I'm glad that took part

I raised money for a local childrens hospital so every ache is worth it