'Jack PumpkinHead' & 'Right Said Pete'

Pete and Alex are two lads from bristol. They've been in Delhi for just over two weeks & sadly will be going home this Friday

In honour of them I will regale you with some stories of them both.

Please note. the stories you are about to hear may, or may not be entirely accurate. I also may elaborate them for my own comedy purposes.

Alex is a really nice friendly bloke. he owns the biggest smile I have ever seen. However these same proportions affect the rest of his noggin as well. Mr Pumpkinhead seemed about right. He's always polite and possible the most gullible person I have ever met

The jokes are on him!!!!!!

1) We told him that you are not allowed to eat with your left hand
2) We told him he had to salute the doormen on the way out of the hotel
3) We convinced him that Gelam means a generic greeting,when in actual fact it means 'Loose Motions'
4) We told him that he needs to stare at someone when they are talking to him, as to blink is a total sign of ignorance. He got the name 'Blinky' due to this
5) Picking up from his fear of Spiders, we told him about the huge ones in india called 'Drop Spiders'. They hide in trees and drop on un-suspecting tourists, taking a bite out of their neck.

Pete seems a bit more savvy then Poor old Alex,and tricking him proved more difficult. He's a young lad, and as usual, being from Bristol has a bit of the old 'oo-ah' about him. At times you can imagine him sitting in a field, with a piece of Barley hanging out of his mouth...drinking the old cider...Alright my love etc etc. It's made particularly funnier when the Aussie, Rob takes the piss out of him...Hello Peeeeterrrr!!!!!

Pete is also the 2nd one of us to pay a visit to the Apollo. Where you or I would simply take a few rennies for a bit of stomach ache, Pete felt inclined to spend two nights in the local hospital, nursing his poorly tummy. Now I'm not saying that Soutern boys are soft but.....

I've also had the misfortune to be partnered with both lads in the Rickshaw races. The first one me and Al got totally blitzed by Sue and Phil. The 2nd one was even worse, whereby me and Peter, finished last on the last race on Saturday. There are approx 1 million rickshaw drivers in Delhi (or something like that) What misfortune do I have to draw the same feckin idiot driver twice....

I had a swimming race with Al on Sturday. I started off earnestly with the old front crawl and shot off at a fair rate. Now normally when you're swimming you normally see the other person out of the corner of your eye. Not seeing Al at all, I stopped and saw him gracefully doing the Breaststroke. he must have moved about 3 foot. I guess he had to spend a vast amount of his concentration keeping his head above water. As Phil referred to a line from 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' " It's like an orange stuck on a toothpick".....

On Saturday we were all out for a meal. At the end of the night we were all pretty much trolleyed and hounding the DJ to play some classics. We listened to Gun N Roses and were all bawling along. Petes choice was a bit strange. he got up and said I'm gonna request one of my favourites. About 10 seconds later 'Deeply Dippy' came on. Whatever floats your boat mate........

All in all I've really enjoyed the lads company, and they've both been a good laugh. We've played cards, where Al got yet another nickname 'Mr Frodo' for calling the wild cards "Magic ones", drank beer, rode like lunatics around Delhi on Auto rickshaws, rode on Elephants. Me and Pete invented Matchstick Jenga. This involves a full box of matches in an ashtray and lighting one at a time, trying not to set them all off, Appreciated the finer points of Fashion TV, especially the swimsuit hour, and in all had a really good few weeks

Have a good last week lads

B