Classic Blackadder quotes

I found the below on an old e-mail and they really cheered me up....

Blackadder (on Percy's ruff) "You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate."
Percy "It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy!"
Blackadder "To another plate-swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months."

Blackadder "I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel."

Mrs. Miggins "Bonjewer, monsewer. It's French."
Blackadder "So is eating frogs, cruelty to geese and urinating in the street.
But that's no reason to inflict it on the rest of us."

Blackadder "Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship."
Baldrick "Thank you, Mr. B."
Blackadder "But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie.
I will therefore confine myself to saying simply 'Sod off, and if I ever meet you again,
it will be twenty billion years too soon'." [He leaves.]
Baldrick "Goodbye you lazy, big-nosed, rubber-faced bastard."

Blackadder "Oh, God, what a way to die. Shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll."

Blackadder "I'm afraid the duel is off."
George "Off!?"
Blackadder "As in sod. I'm not doing it."

Blackadder (to George and Baldrick) "Henceforth I shall pray nightly to the God
who killed Cain and squashed Samson that he comes out of retirement and gets back
into pracice with the pair of you."
[He answers the phone.] "Blackadder. Ah, Captain Darling...
You want two volunteers for a mission into No Man's Land. Codename - Operation Certain Death.
Yes, I think I have just the fellows." [Hangs up.] "God is very quick these days."

Blackadder "Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests their are tribes of Indians as yet untouched
by civilisation who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions that yours."

Blackadder "I think the phrase rhymes with 'clucking bell'."

Percy "Made a note in my diary on the way here. Says simply 'bugger'."

The Goblet of Fire

Heard a rumour that Kate Winslet is to play Fleur Delacour in the 4th installment of the Harry potter movie.

Joke

George Michael got rushed to hospital with a mars bars shoved up his a***

On closer inspection it was just a careless wispa...

Stand by me

A friend of mine is doing a photography course for Uni. The project is based on 'Sixth Sense'. She went to a local cematery to get some shots with a friend recently. Now let me explain that this graveyeard is really old, most stones date back to WW1 or before. As they were walking down the path my friend stopped suddenly. about 5 yeads ahead of her she saw two legs, where someone was either a) passed out b) very drunk or c) dead. Not wishing to look at what could be a rotting corpse they called the police. When they attended the police managed to wake the man. Apparently he'd taken an overdose and wished to end his time on earth. Now I have already mentioned how old the graveyard is. If my friends hadn't been there the poor guy may have still been there now...He was taken to hospital and although not confirmed is hopefully still alive

Well done to Ginge and Emma. Saving a guy's life is pretty cool.

The big run

I took part in the Manchester big run on Sunday. I'm not one for keeping fit, doing plenty of exercise etc but I thought I'd give it a go. I had a great time and completed the course in 1 hour 8 mins 37 seconds. The sun was balzing and my body is aching now, but I'm glad that took part

I raised money for a local childrens hospital so every ache is worth it